Over the years, I have learned that defiant children are crying out for help. Their off-track behavior is a signal to us, the loving adults in their lives, that there are some unsolved problems which are causing them a great deal of tension that need to be addressed. When children begin to show defiant behavior, it can trigger a sense of powerlessness in a parent. And when any human feels powerless, it tends to trigger rage. So a cycle of defiant behavior in the child quickly leads to rage in a parent. The loving parent tends to focus on changing the child’s behavior, yet that often simply leads to increased frustration and exasperation. Instead, I have found it more helpful to focus on shifting the parent-child dynamic. I work closely with the parents so we can begin to gain a better understanding of the habitual aspects of the dynamic that are leading to distress. I coach parents in ways of intervening that are more likely to help shift the child’s behaviors in a more cooperative direction. At the root of these interventions is the importance of deepening the sense of connection.
I know that the days can drag on. I know that you are tired of your child’s defiant behaviors. I know it seems like it will never get better. But it is possible for things to change. And I believe that that change will start with you, the loving, committed parent. I’m here to help you, and to provide guidance and encouragement along the way, as you develop a more fulfilling and easeful relationship with your child!
WATCH THIS VIDEO ON LIMIT SETTING WITH JACLYN LONG:
“Three Hindrances to Effective Limit Setting” – Jaclyn Long
The Explosive Child – Ross Greene
CLICK HERE to read about a helpful way to introduce the idea of therapy to your child.